Saturday, June 25, 2011

My Reality

"Where has gone, my reality? Oh it's not there."

I think sometimes about the way I express myself and the way other people might perceive it. For the most part I think my attempts at expressing myself are pretty private. Beyond this blog, I don't make much of an effort to show people the way I express myself.

I write bad poetry. I write long abstract essays that express my emotions in very technical ways.

But in the mean time people are having their own birthdays, their own issues, their own realities.

I don't know what my reality is. I am very emotional. I am trying to express myself in a variety of ways. Primarily through words. Poetry, short stories (bad ones, and not many of them), and philosophy. My world is isolated from your world.

Part of me really wants to go and buy a canvas and a bunch of paints. I should try to express myself in forms other than words. Because I am so logocentric.

My new essay has me excited, though. I think words are great.

I also think I have some direction with my reading. I think I need to read a very famous book, Thomas Hobbes' Leviathan. I want to do that mainly so that I can be prepared to read Collingwood's The New Leviathan.

My new essay is prompting a lot of questions about the role of the state, the ability of a sovereign power to organize and structure people's lives from the top down.

Those books will likely give me some insight into that question.

I want so badly to express.

And perhaps more importantly, I want for someone to understand my expression and to throw it back in my face.

My expression is so governed by my expression. And I want someone to take my expressiveness seriously, because I want someone to take my reality early.

And I realize that everyone has their own reality. And that you might be too busy to care for my expressiveness. But I am waiting for it, I guess.

I'm still feeling pretty loving, though. To all of you.

I want to be free to go places and to feel things.

And I want that for all of you.

That is the good advice I received tonight.

And I hope I can live it.

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