Can I make you feel alive?
Is it just this death?
Is it just a lie?
I won't lie. I'm drunk. It is new years. Duh. 2011, son.
I'm so excited. I hope you know that.
I hope you know that I'm only friendly because I'm so furious.
I'm so in love with everything that I wouldn't dare let myself slip.
Love for me has a lot to do with hate. Does that make sense? I hope it does. I hope to explain things in clearer language when I'm not drunk. But right now I'm simply drunk.
I'm so struck by my finitude. By my impending death that couldn't possibly be anything else.
What if I had a soul? What if I had an ether body? What if death was simply an end and not the end.
I know some of you believe in a soul, believe in that afterlife.
If you do, and if you are reading this, I'll say this: challenge me. Bring the full force of your mind at me and tell me what makes you think that you will live forever.
What makes you believe that you have more than a body and a brain?
I hate science.
I hate the power that it wields.
I hate how it is a supreme form of knowledge.
I hate how it assures me of the reality of my body, my brain, my atoms, my chemicals.
In short, how do I grapple with faith? How do I grapple with life? How do I grapple with death? How do I grapple with history?
How do I live and love this life without losing my fucking mind?
You tell me.