Perhaps this is a bad thing, a frustrating thing, something to try and overcome. Of course, I want to pull my thoughts out in their full strength and clarity. Of course I want my writing to reflect what is really going in with my thoughts.
But on the other hand, I kind of like how this works. So much of my writing these days is simply about exercise, about experiment, about exploration, and not about the actual statement.
In essence, when I produce a text I am giving myself a chance to clarify my thoughts so that my next bit of writing can express those ideas more clearly.
I write something and then I read it. When I read it I get a feel for the sub-text of the writing, I realize that there are issues that eluded my grasp and my articulation. And in my next bit of writing I am hopefully able to incorporate those sub-text issues into the overt text.
By writing I am able to see what was implicit in my writing, and then I am hopefully able to take those implicit themes, that sub-text, and make it explicit the next time around.
THis is something I've talked to a friend about. The way that our writing wreaks of the subtext when we read our it at a later date. I think he may have been frustrated. But I dunno, I kind of like it. It can be frustrating if we simply want to produce an adequate text, which I will need to do at some point. But at this point, I am happy to go about the process of creating text to access sub-text so that I can create more texts.