Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Living Fast, Breathing Hard

Everything happened quickly today. I got up at 7 something and went to look at a studio apartment on Summit and Republican. It wasn't the biggest room, but it was nice enough that I felt like I wanted it. Plus the location was great. So tomorrow I'm going to put in an application for this apartment. Whoa. What is going on here?

I'm very excited and very nervous. Lots of new life is happening every day. Life moves fast right now. It moves differently than it has before. It doesn't stop. It moves.

I found myself doing what my friend Phil does (shouts out to Phil in Korea). I breath hard. I go hah ho hah ho hah ho hah ho. If that in any way reads like hyperventilating. That is the point. To use hyperventilation to express what I feel like right now.

I am just very excited and very nervous. The landlord said she wouldn't show the apartment to anyone else because she knows that I want it.

Here goes the adventure that is living by myself. Despite how expensive it is, how lonely it is. I don't care. I want to do something new and exciting.

Turns out that I do it everyday.

blah blah blah blah blah.

Can't wait to have my own desk that faces a window so that I can continue with my own thinking.

I do my own thinking everyday. I smile at everyone and I say hello and goodbye. I am the ultimate politeness machine. I hope that I exude that friendliness that every customer service representative should. Yet I strive to maintain my mental independence. I live hard within my own mind. I think hard within my own mind.

I stock bottled water every single day. And I scowl and laugh at every single bottle of water that I ring up. I want to move through this world with awareness. And I try. But it is hard. Because the bottom line is that I don't even know how to look at most things. I don't even know how to think about most things. I need to be vigilant against my own biases. I need to keep trying to think better. I want to think differently, and hopefully better.

I'll keep being myself. I hope that I can keep my perspective on myself and my life.

Fortunately I have my friend R.G. Collingwood to help me keep my perspective on myself. And luckily it seems as though Nicholas Carr is also giving me tools to help me keep my perspective on myself in this contemporary world.

Carr is doing a great job of helping me think about neuroplasticity in the contemporary world. Life changes us. Experience changes our brains. We are mostly our brains.

But I can change my experience. I can change my brain. I can change my mind. I can become stronger than myself.

I believe in you.

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