I'm not writing much and I have no idea what I'm writing about.
Immediate concerns are still dominating my life. I'm still looking for a new job. I'm still not quite sure what to do with myself.
I wish I could write more these days. But I just feel way too distracted. I can't pay attention to things. I'm not reading very much. Still slowly making my way through Democracy Incorporated. I still like the book. Part of me thinks it isn't written super well. Part of me thinks I'm not doing the best job reading it. But I'm enjoying it.
I have several essay projects that I could be pursuing, but I don't feel like I can.
I've thought of ways that I could continue the Art, Zen, and Politics project. I would need to change the final section into an inquiry into why art seems to be so politically impotent these days. Wolin actually gives me some ideas about that. According to him, inverted totalitarianism works by controlling the types of information that are available. Corporations, marketing, all of that good stuff. All of that influences the type of things we see and think. And art and corporations don't necessarily mix so well. It would make sense that art would be neutered by a political-economic system like the one that Wolin claims America has become.
I also haven't been able to move forward on my essay on mediums and relationships. The philosophy of history is just too difficult for me to write about these days. But I'm satisfied with the 30 something pages I produced on the topic. I'll pick it up again at some point. I was thinking about it the other day and reflecting on how I wanted it to work towards a philosophical defense of compassion. I still think that it can get there. I just need some time to sort things out.
Then I had this idea for a new writing project. Zizek's writing on sexuality in the atonal world gave me all kinds of ideas. He ends the whole chapter by talking about the relationship between high-command and master signifiers. That just like master signifiers, individual's choices cannot always be justified rationally. It gets to a point, both in culture and in individual lives, in which things just are a certain way. 'This is just our tradition', 'That is just the decision I made'. Choice must enforce its own master signifiers. Choice must cease to appeal to logic at some point. Sometimes decisions simply need to be made.
So I have all kinds of things I'm thinking about. All kinds of writing projects I could potentially pursue if my head were clearer. But my head is incredibly unclear. I'm frustrated and still feel in a rut. But hey, interview tomorrow. Turned in an application today. I'm working on it. And I hope that something will change. Something will change. Of course. What else does life do but change?
I just shouldn't let my stress numb me to that fact that everything is in transition all the time.
I should learn to actually practice Zen.