Monday, September 12, 2011

Wooooooowwwww

I'm not at work and I'm confused about it.

I was under the impression that my co-worker and I were swapping shifts. That she would be working for me today.

I called my new job, where I'll be starting as a barista soon, to see if they wanted me to come in today. We had talked about it previously. And it was a maybe. They said they would let me know whether they wanted me to come in or not. So I didn't hear anything.

So I called yesterday and got nothing.

Then I called today and they said don't worry about it.

So I'm excited to have a day off to just relax.

Not sure what I'm gonna do. But relaxing is probably the thing.

Niceeeee.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Me and Collingwood Are 'Back On'

I've been writing parts of the AZI project. I haven't worked on it since, gosh, like May? June? I'm not sure exactly when I stopped working on it. I know there was a moment where I said that I couldn't work on it anymore. Somewhere around the end of May I just got super frustrated with looking at it and just had to take a break.

So I kept reading. I got a little bit into another writing project. I just let AZI sit in the background.

But now I've felt able to start writing again.

I have been taking forever to read Sheldon Wolin's Democracy Incorporated. I'm almost done. Will finish it tomorrow. But it has done a lot for me.

I feel that I've read a number of culturally/politically/economically oriented in the last six months and it is all coming together a little bit. People like Harvey, Marx, Hedges, Wolin, Adorno, Benjamin, etc.. It feels good to have read those people are for it all to be coming together enough to put some thoughts out there.

I realize that all of my longer writing is really just a lot of scattered reflections and references. I'm attempting to compare things I'm reading, take time to explicate them and see what sorts of connections emerge. And things typically do emerge. New thoughts and conclusions. But they really are all over the place.

But it feels good to be writing again. I'm revisiting The Principles Of Art and it feels really good. I really like that book and it feels good to be looking at it again. And to see that it has a lot going on and that people like Wolin are related to it.

I have Collingwood's An Essay On Metaphysics in the mail. Excited to get my hands on that. Think it will yield a lot of interesting things related to the philosophy of history, habit, and 'metaphysics' more generally. I really have a very poor grasp on the term. So it'll be good to see what it produces.

And Collingwood really is one of my favorite thinkers. I don't know what it is about him.

Oh My Body

Yesterday I spent several hours playing basketball with some friends. We all had a great time. I was wearing contacts and it felt really good. It is really satisfying to not have to worry about my glasses. Because normally any running is tempered by a sense of expensive glasses on my face. But contact lenses make it easier to just run and play sports and not worry about it. It was fun.

But man my body hurts today. Really sore.

And man it is so hot out!

I'm doing laundry and hanging out. Being domestic. Cleaning and listening to music.

I want to be doing more serious writing.

But I'm not sure how to right now.

I want to be finishing Democracy Incorporated. But part of me doesn't want to be finishing it right now. I just want to be relaxing.

I'm boiling water right now to make a big pot of coffee.

I've been drinking so much iced coffee this summer. Iced americanos primarily. They are so good.

Iced lattes are a lot less appealing to me for some reason.

But this hot coffee should be good. I bet its gonna make me all sweaty and warm and that will feel kind of good.

A couple of friends have been telling me about how they are spending less time on the computer. Which I think is good.

I spend too much time on the computer.

Computers can dominate.

Oh well.

I'll do other things.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Feeling Freer

Freer is a funny word to look at. A funny spelling. Freer.

Freedom is something that happens in degrees.

I'm feeling freer than I have been in a while.

I had felt weird. I was sick of my job. I couldn't stomach my routines anymore.

So I tweaked out a little bit. I got a little bit motivated. And now I have a new job on my horizon.

I also have new thinking and writing on my horizon.

My life and my thinking flow together.

When I'm upset about fundamental elements in my life the intellectual element suffers.

When I'm in physical or emotional pain I don't think clearly.

I get agitated.

I can't think.

I can't express.

But gosh I'm feeling more expressive these days.

Feeling much more expressive.

More writing to come.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Mindfulness and Rationalities

I find mindfulness to be a fascinating concept. I also find it to be a difficult concept to implement.

Practicing mindfulness, as I vaguely understand it, is about cultivating a mind that can accurately observe reality. The goal is to abandon preformed ideas about people and the world in favor of observing things as they are.

Which all sounds well and good. Because of course I want to see reality as it is. Of course I want my observations to be accurate and not distorted.

But what do we mean when we say we want to see things as they are.

What the fuck are things anyways? What is the reality in this messy world that I live in?

Because when I look at the world I see so many different things. I can approach an object, a situation, or a person on so many different levels. Often I don't perceive things in a black and white way. I see a variety of different perspectives through which I could understand my reality. (At least at my best I think I perceive in this multiplicitous way. At my worst I am locked in to my own perspective and I only see things one way).

I think that mindfulness has something to do with that ability to see things from a variety of perspectives. To assume a different perspective on your own original perceptions. I've already had this idea corroborated by Claxton, Humphrey, Schwartz, and others. But it is still difficult to understand precisely how mindfulness comes about through this ability to assume different perspectives.

Because the problem I have is that there are so many different perspectives that I can assume on a situation that I don't understand which one is best. When interacting with a person, for example, I can think of many different ways through which I can apprehend or analyze a person. I can focus on their personality alone. I can focus on their physical appearance. I can focus on the context on which I have met the person and the reasons for their being in that context.

And further, within those perspectives, there are sub-perspectives. I could focus on someone's sense of humor. I could focus on their teeth or their sense of style. I could focus on their background from the last year or think about their entire life. In other words, my perception of people is analytically rich. I can see a variety of different ways in which to think about people.

One philosophical idea that is useful here is Foucault's insistence on referring to 'rationalities' as opposed to the blanket 'rationality'. Rationality, as Foucault conceives it, is not a static or simple concept: there is no singular rationality that exists in the world. Rather, rationality is a mode of thought that lends itself to a variety of perspectives and ideas. Guy Claxton and Chris Hedges corroborate this idea. Claxton claims that reason is something that can be bent to many different perspectives, and that does not inherently lend itself to a specific line of thought. Hedges believes that rationality is morally neutral, that it does not naturally lead to a valuable or righteous perspective. But that it can be applied in many different ways to arrive at many different conclusions.

Thus we are best referring to 'rationalities' or 'logics' as opposed to 'rationality' or 'logic'. We should recognize that those forms of thought are very plural, they can create many different perspectives, and are not absolute or inherently moral.

This conception of rationality has implication for these issues of perception and mindfulness. Because all of those different ways that I am capable of perceiving people that I described above are merely rationalities. To focus on someone's appearance, their personality, their context, or whatever else I can focus on, is just one rationality out of another in which I could think of someone. All of those are just different rationalities. So I must ask, which one of those rationalities is most valuable? Through which one of those rationalities can I apprehend reality most accurately? Through what rationalities can I be most mindful?

There may very well be a rationality that would enable the highest degree of mindfulness. Because it seems obvious that certain ideas (rationalities) would encourage or discourage an accurate view of reality. And so I think that identifying the rationalities most conducive to mindfulness is important. And I suspect that the rationalities associated with physics, chemistry, and evolutionary biology are important and can potentially lend themselves to a mindful point of view. But they can also lend themselves to distorted or judgmental points of view. So they can't be indiscriminately applied or adhered to.

But there is a deeper issue in all of this: this analysis of the relationship between mindfulness and rationalities assumes that perception is necessarily accompanied by articulable thought. It assumes that all perception is implicitly analytical.

But what if there is a form of perception that does not rely on ideas? Because that is what Shunryu Suzuki describes in Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. He encouraged me to forget all of my preformed ideas. To see the world like a child. To cultivate a form of perception that doesn't harbor implicit ideas or assumption.

I find it to be a fascinating idea. And I think that it is possible. Or that there is something to all this stuff about mindfulness and abandoning ideas.

But frankly I don't understand it.

That is why I'm doing this writing.

Recently I've been a bit stressed out. For a while I feel like I was being very unmindful. I've been very careless with my words and actions. I feel like I've lost my mindful perspective (if I ever had it).

This writing is my attempt to reintroduce a little bit of mindfulness into my life.

And I find myself so drawn to analytical thought. I find that all of my habitual perception and actions contain all kinds of implicit thought. I find my perception to be intimately intertwined with the rationalities that I have internalized.

I feel that this is something the Foucaultian project is all about. I suspect that Collingwood is also deeply involved with this question of assumptions, of the forms of thought embedded in our actions. And I know that Zizek is also somewhat involved in this issue of thought, action, and habit.

I'm still not sure where all of this is leading me.

But this is definitely very personal.

And it also seems very philosophically and politically relevant.

Foucault was trying to explain how this notion of 'rationalities' was conncected to government.

The major issues for me these days: Habit, assumptions, history, thought, action, expression, art in capitalist culture, Sheldon Wolin, so on so on so on so on.

I just have all these ideas to sort. All so big and silly. But there is something going on. I need to be reading more. I'm thinking about beginning work on the AZI project again.

Hooray.

I feel my thoughts clarifying these days.

This writing came easier to me than any writing has in more than a month.

Hooray.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Scattered Posts

My content on here is slim and scattered these days.

I'm not writing much and I have no idea what I'm writing about.

Immediate concerns are still dominating my life. I'm still looking for a new job. I'm still not quite sure what to do with myself.

I wish I could write more these days. But I just feel way too distracted. I can't pay attention to things. I'm not reading very much. Still slowly making my way through Democracy Incorporated. I still like the book. Part of me thinks it isn't written super well. Part of me thinks I'm not doing the best job reading it. But I'm enjoying it.

I have several essay projects that I could be pursuing, but I don't feel like I can.

I've thought of ways that I could continue the Art, Zen, and Politics project. I would need to change the final section into an inquiry into why art seems to be so politically impotent these days. Wolin actually gives me some ideas about that. According to him, inverted totalitarianism works by controlling the types of information that are available. Corporations, marketing, all of that good stuff. All of that influences the type of things we see and think. And art and corporations don't necessarily mix so well. It would make sense that art would be neutered by a political-economic system like the one that Wolin claims America has become.

I also haven't been able to move forward on my essay on mediums and relationships. The philosophy of history is just too difficult for me to write about these days. But I'm satisfied with the 30 something pages I produced on the topic. I'll pick it up again at some point. I was thinking about it the other day and reflecting on how I wanted it to work towards a philosophical defense of compassion. I still think that it can get there. I just need some time to sort things out.

Then I had this idea for a new writing project. Zizek's writing on sexuality in the atonal world gave me all kinds of ideas. He ends the whole chapter by talking about the relationship between high-command and master signifiers. That just like master signifiers, individual's choices cannot always be justified rationally. It gets to a point, both in culture and in individual lives, in which things just are a certain way. 'This is just our tradition', 'That is just the decision I made'. Choice must enforce its own master signifiers. Choice must cease to appeal to logic at some point. Sometimes decisions simply need to be made.

So I have all kinds of things I'm thinking about. All kinds of writing projects I could potentially pursue if my head were clearer. But my head is incredibly unclear. I'm frustrated and still feel in a rut. But hey, interview tomorrow. Turned in an application today. I'm working on it. And I hope that something will change. Something will change. Of course. What else does life do but change?

I just shouldn't let my stress numb me to that fact that everything is in transition all the time.

I should learn to actually practice Zen.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Assumptions

White powder fills my mouth.

I have ground something.

Something finer than
Either of us have felt before.

It is something organic
Something bodily destroyed.

It is my own teeth
Transformed into expressiveness.

I am not what you think I am.

I am heavier
Angrier
Finer
Dispersed.

I am less.

I am much more.

I'm really good at the things I hate.

I hurt less than I like to admit.

About Me

I spend most of my time working as a mental health professional. I have been preoccupied with philosophy, politics, healing, and many other questions for the last 15 years or so. I am currently working on putting together my study of Plato and Aristotle with contemporary work in philosophy, psychology, psychotherapy, and trauma research. I use this place primarily as a workshop for ideas. I welcome conversation with anyone working on similar problems. The major contours of my basic project have been outlined here

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